YaHa! Oneshots
by Telebee
Summary: A collection of old bite-size one-shots splattered across the timeline. Multiple teams. Rated for Hiruma and good old mostly censored high school violence.
1. Oujou Knights

Disclaimer: ES21, characters and their illegal weapons belong to their rightful creators ie Not Mine.

A/N: These drabbles were written really long ago so the characters concerned may have evolved to be slightly different since then. But rest assure there won't be any drastic OOC. These are just some light-hearted, fluffy pieces after all.

**Drabble 1**

**White Knights**

**  
Because**_** real**_** knights don't use electricity**

"Shin-kun!" Sakuraba called out, "Wait up!"

Shin stopped, waiting silently for the other boy to catch up.

"Takami-kun is collating a team contact list. So we need your number!" Shin was notorious for his inability to handle modern machinery so Sakuraba did not even bother to ask him for an e-mail address.

However, there still seemed to be a problem.

Shin looked at him blankly and said blandly, "…What number?"

Sakuraba blinked, surprised by the question. "Your telephone number of course."

"…" Shin frowned, "There's a number for it?"

Sakuraba stared at his teammate, incredulous.

"Don't you know your own home number?" he asked in disbelief.

Shin didn't answer. Sakuraba twitched.

"Do you even know how a telephone works?"

Shin deliberated upon this for a moment, then answered succinctly, "It rings. Then you pick it up and speak into it."

Sakuraba buried his head in his hands with a groan, then peeked at Shin through his fingers, as if expecting him to disparate back into whichever previous century he had came from.

"How on earth do we contact you then?" He ventured.

"Usually," Shin answered with all seriousness, "Otawara ties the message to a rock, then throws it through my bedroom window."


	2. Deimon Bats

Disclaimer: ES21, characters and their illegal weapons belong to their rightful creators ie Not Mine.

A/N: Pairing if you blink. I think they're almost canon anyway.

**Drabble 2**

**Deimon Bats**

****

2 Birds with 1 bullet

Mamori was vivid with anger as she stomped into the clubhouse that morning. She advanced towards the reason for her anger and shoved a piece of paper into his face.

"You did NOT," She gritted out, "Set up a lottery offering a date with me as the grand prize!"

Hiruma looked up at her dismissively, waving the poster out of his face before going right back to polishing his rifle.

"Yes, I did." He told her, "I'm planning to buy out the baseball team for exclusive rights to the field. We need more funds."

"You evil Hell Spawn! Have you no respect for individual rights?"

"No," he replied, smirking, "Not really."

"I refuse!" She declared, "I will not go along with your nonsense!"

"The lottery's over." He stated quite calmly, "The winner has already been picked."

"That's your own problem," She said, ripping up the poster and tossing it at him, "For disregarding others and not seeking their consent before just doing what you want and…and for being such a bastard!"

But as she turned to stalk out of the room, he called after her.

"I'll be picking you up at seven on Friday night for that date."

She stopped, blushing furiously.

"You cheated on your own lottery?!"


	3. Bando Spiders

Disclaimer: ES21, characters and their illegal weapons belong to their rightful creators ie Not Mine.

A/N: I love Koutarou to a stupid degree but he's such a minor character. Sometimes, I wish he'd start a spin-off series as a soccer star.

* * *

**Drabble 3**

**Bando Spiders  
**

**American Football vs. English Football**

They were here again. Slinking out from the shadows once practice was over and the main team departed. Those stalkers from the soccer team.

They crept silently over the empty field towards their prey. Akaba watched passively from the clubhouse as they slowly surrounded their prey. Koutarou always stayed back for extra practice. It was not hard to catch him alone.

"Smart daze!" The idiot declared, after executing yet another perfect kick. He struck a pose and combed back his hair, completely oblivious to the threat around him.

The soccer players were almost drooling.

"Sasaki-sempai…" One of the younger ones breathed out, unable to contain his admiration.

"Huh?" He turned, finally noticing the soccer players.

The soccer team captain hastily shoved the junior away.

"Sasaki-kun, we meet again." He greeted.

"Huh? Who are you?"

Akaba understood the pain on the soccer boy's face. The other had last tried to recruit the idiot not more than three days ago, approached him no less than 4 times and had been steadily stalking him for more than a month since they had first witnessed Koutarou's performance during the annual sports festival.

"Please join the soccer team!" The soccer captain got straight to the point.

"No." The kicker replied as readily, without a moment's hesitation.

That conversation might as well have been the one from 3 days ago, and 3 days before that, and before that.

"Why not?"

"Because I love American Football."

"They call soccer 'football' in England too. And we need you more than the American Football team does! Your talents will be better utilized! Please join our team!"

"No."

Akaba sighed and wondered when the soccer boy will finally give up.

"If we cannot convince you with reason," the soccer boy growled, emitting an evil aura, "Don't blame us if we use force!"

Most of the soccer team cracked their knuckles menacingly. Koutarou looked at them stupidly.

_What an idiot_, Akaba thought as he set down his guitar and headed towards the field.

--

As they were walking home later, Akaba and Koutarou were looking quite battered and worse for wear. But they walked with the satisfying knowledge that the soccer team shall be incapacitated for their next game that week.

After the expected quibbles and Koutarou's complains about how he can fight his own fights, Akaba asked Koutarou the question that had been in his mind for a while.

"Why American Football?" He asked the kicker.

"What do you mean by that?"

"You would shine much more in soccer. And, judging from your obnoxious nature, enjoy it. So why chose American Football?"

There was a moment of meaningful silence.

Then Koutarou grinned and tapped his head meaningfully.

"You get helmets in American Football." He said.

Akaba looked at him as if he just spoke Greek.

Koutarou looked back at him as if he was stupid.

"Protects my hair," he explained.


	4. Poseidon & Bando

Disclaimer: ES21, characters and their illegal weapons belong to their rightful creators ie Not Mine.

A/N: This was written back when it seemed Akaba was THE Eyeshield 21. That turned out to be wrong, so just take this as a 'what if' scenario.

* * *

**Drabble 4**

**Bando & Poseidon**

**  
Birds of a Feather**

"Eyeshield 21-san! I've finally found you!"

Akaba watched incredulously at the other boy sunk into a deep bow. He tugged self-consciously at the towel around his waist.

"I followed you all the way from America! All those years, I've never forgotten you!"

The other patrons of the bathhouse existed swiftly and silently. Some were muttering about shameless youths and low birth rates.

Akaba stared. He thought he had made certain that none of the more obsessive fans ever found out he'd left for Japan. So perhaps this was…second-generation fanatics?

No. He had left only two years ago. They don't breed that fast.

The other boy had finally straightened up and was…looking down at him. He was tall. More than just tall—he was towering for an average Japanese. And he had intense eyes. Koutarou always complained that his red eyes were strange, but this boy's eyes were downright disturbing, even vaguely hypnotic.

"Uh…" Said the boy with the dark, twirling eyes, hitching up his own towel; "I'm playing in Poseidon now. Number 41. I've played against you once, if you still remember. Back then in America."

Akaba tried hard to recall, but his thoughts were interrupted by a loud cry as something large and blonde streaked past him, heading straight for the dark-eyed boy.

"KAKEI" It wailed, "I'm outta change! Gimme some! Gimme some!"

Kakei held off the attacking blonde with one hand.

"What do you want, Mizumachi?"

"Change!! The dispensing machine only accepts coins and I didn't bring soap!"

Kakei shoved the other boy away with exasperation. Akaba found it strangely familiar.

"Just get it from my bag."

"THANKS!! You're my HEEEEROOO!" The blonde declared, skipping out happily.

Akaba and Kakei stared at each other in silence. The tall boy was about to say something when they were interrupted once again by another obnoxious cry.

"YOU!" Koutarou declared, stalking into the bathing area and pointing accusingly at Akaba, "Where are you hiding my comb?"

Akaba sighed. "What makes you think I have it?"

"Bastard! You know how precious it is to me! Get your own comb, you freak!"

"I didn't take your comb, idiot." There was an awkwardly long period of silence where they both basically just glared at each other. Finally, Akaba caved.

"Have you checked your pants pockets?"

Koutarou looked down in surprise, as if just noticing that he was only dressed in a bathhouse towel and had no pockets.

"Damn you!" He shouted, before rushing off to the lockers.

Akaba and Kakei stared at each other a little more. Then were distracted as loud noises, sounds of a scuffle, vague screams started issuing from the locker room.

As they both rushed towards it, they felt a certain, strange sort of connection, the sort all weary caretakers of idiotic teammates often feel.


	5. Shinryuu Naga

Disclaimer: ES21, characters and their illegal weapons belong to their rightful creators ie Not Mine.

A/N: Honestly, I love a lot of the rival teams more than the Deimon Bats. It is rather sad that they are largely ignored in fandom. The Kongo twins are among my favourites too.

* * *

**Drabble 4**

**Shinryuu Naga**

**  
****The Id and the Super-ego**

"Ah…I know you've already received many gifts, but I…I specially made this so…" The girl was blushing hard enough to power a solar factory, "Please accept this!"

Unsui regarded her with grim pity.

"That's so sweet of you," gushed Agon, oozing charm by the buckets. He leaned down towards her and fingered a lock of her hair in the manner of a sleazy back alley pimp, "You're really pretty, you know? Do you want to come with me for a drink or something?"

Unsui's eyes widened. Seducing an innocent maiden and _skipping practice?_ He can't allow this!

"How about it?" Agon had taken off his sunglasses and was giving the girl that special look he reserves for prey of the feminine kind. The girl froze in his hold, red-faced and looking like a deer caught before an oncoming train. The blushing had evaporated all her brain cells.

"And if you're free the whole day, we can—Ow!"

Without thinking, Unsui had swatted his twin on the head.

"What do you think you're doing?" Agon growled, abandoning the girl and grabbing Unsui by the collar.

Unsui watched in relief as the girl floundered upon being released, took one last fleeting look at the evil incarnate that was her crush, then escaped immediately. Smart thing. His sacrifice was not in vain.

Others may think of Agon as a womanizer, but Unsui knew that his twin is more than that. When it comes to pretty girls, he eats them whole.

In a metaphorical sense, that is. He doubts even Agon would be up for cannibalism.

"Hey! Answer me!" Agon demanded, giving him a shake. Unsui sighed. The things he had to do for the good of all mankind.

"We have practice now," he said, brushing his twin away. "This is not the time for you to be hitting on every other girl along the way."

"Oh yeah? I think you're just jealous," his twin smirks back, "Because you haven't received a single present yet. Says something about you, doesn't it?"

He was, of course, trying to screw with Unsui's psychological health. It was one of his hobbies.

But as they walked onwards to school, Agon didn't try anything funny with the rest of the girls that gave him Valentine's gifts. Even if he did give his twin significant looks of superiority every time he received one.

As they stood side by side at the lockers, preparing for morning training, Agon suddenly shoved something at him.

"There you go." Unsui looked up in surprise when his twin handed him about a dozen of the prettily wrapped boxes.

"What? It's your share." Agon told him, shoving the boxes into his hands, "For Valentine's."

"Thanks." Unsui said awkwardly. He looked at the chocolates and thought that maybe, just maybe, his twin had a heart.

"Yeah, whatever, those were from the ugly ones."

Then again, maybe it's just another overdeveloped muscle.


	6. Deimon & Seibu

Disclaimer: ES21, characters and their illegal weapons belong to their rightful creators ie Not Mine.

A/N: I just dug this up from an unexpected folder. Wow it's old. From back when they first played Seibu (my favourite team), I think.

**Drabble 6**

**Deimon + Seibu**

**  
Any Improvement is better than None**

Riku and Sena sat together by Deimon's football field, looking up at the clouds.

"Hey, Sena. After being bullied through all your childhood years," Riku commented, "This must be the first time you've ever enjoyed popularity in your life."

"Uh…" Sena fiddled with a blade of grass, "No."

"What? You mean in nursery you were—"

"No, of course not," Sena tore up the blade of grass and tossed it away, looking a little pensive, "Its just that I'm still not popular. Not now, not ever."

"Why?" Riku sat up, raising a skeptical eyebrow, "Aren't you the Devil Bats' star runner?"

"Um…but no one knows. It's supposed to be a secret…You know, the whole eye shield thing." Sena said awkwardly. He looked terminally embarrassed as he quailed under Riku's bemused stare.

The Wild Gunmen's runner sighed, "Does that mean you're still being bullied on a regular basis? Despite all the skills I've imparted to you? Have I failed that badly as your teacher?"

"Oh No!" Sena immediately denied, "I'm not being bullied anymore!"

Riku gave him a dry look that told Sena he was entirely unconvinced.

"At least," Sena continued, with less force but more conviction, "I have something to live for now. It's not just Mamori-neesan protecting me all the time. There's the entire team. And I want to be strong enough to protect them too."

He looked at his friend, eyes clear and determined, "I'll never get bullied again, Riku, I promise."

They looked up peacefully at the clouds, and Riku felt a slight smile ghosting his lips. Perhaps lost, pathetic, little Sena had finally found his place in life and perhaps he could finally stop worrying about his 'brother' now.

"OOI SHRIMP! WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING? GET YOUR BUTT BACK TO TRAINING!"

Sena let out a short scream as he jumped up to avoid the bullets and Riku watched as his friend was chased around the field by the quarterback from hell. It seemed as if Sena was still a long way off from fulfilling his promise.

_But at least_, Riku thought, _it is a better sort of bullying now_.


	7. Haku Dinos

Disclaimer: ES21, characters and their illegal weapons belong to their rightful creators ie Not Mine.

A/N: I really liked this team. It's irrational.

**Drabble 7**

**Haku Dinosaurs**

**  
Organised**** Sports  
**

The baseball team refused to leave the field at the allocated time slot.

"It'd just be a waste of time for you American football losers to practise anyway," the captain had sneered at Marco, "Never made it past the opening round have you?"

Marco shrugged. He can tolerate the insults, the sneers, the bullying. It was part of school politics. If you don't bring home the trophies, you get kicked around. But he wasn't about to give up their training rights.

"Look," he said warily, "It's really to your benefit to just go now. I don't want anyone to get hurt."

"We'd like to see you try." The baseball captain replied, towering over Marco with his bat slung menacingly across his shoulder, "The only one who's going to get hurt is—"

Then the shadow of Gaou fell over him and his eloquent jaw fell slack.

"Gaou," Marco told his teammate, "Kindly invite these gentlemen off the field."

"Sure," the first year replied, smirking.

Then he picked the quivering baseball captain up by the collar and tossed him into the bleachers like a piece of used tissue.

"Not like that!" Marco cried in frustration as the baseball players ran amok in fear.

"Why not?" Gaou asked, as he reached out and tossed another boy off the field, "It works fine."

"No! We shouldn't use violence—" A baseballer ran screaming towards him, swinging his bat with malicious intent "—Oh, what the hell," Marco sighed. He whipped out a bottle of coke and cracked it down on his attacker's head, eliminating the threat efficiently.

After that incident, the baseball team never tried hogging the field again.


	8. Enma Daigaku

Disclaimer: ES21, characters and their illegal weapons belong to their rightful creators ie Not Mine.

A/N: I read the ES21 finale. Good things, bad things, but first Enma Daigaku!!! I love love love this team to bits… Saikyoudai is just plain scary though.

* * *

**Drabble 8**

**Enma Daigaku**

**  
****Twice blessed**

"Instead of practice today," Kurita declared brightly to the Enma American Football club, "We are going to Disneyland!"

Everyone cheered.

Unsui looked slightly troubled and confused. "No practice? Why?"

"Because it is Unsui's birthday!" Mizumachi piped up, "So we must celebrate!"

Everyone cheered. Even Unsui had to smile.

"That's very sweet, but first--Everyone run 30 laps around the field."

-

-

They all went to Disneyland after the practice, though it was already in the afternoon and they hardly had half a day left to play. Koutarou and Mizumachi tried to drag Kurita onto the giant roller coaster but failed. The huge 3rd year pretty much tucked them under his arms and carried them off to the teacup ride instead. Sena and Suzuna braved the haunted house together but it ended up with Sena running for his life, pulling Suzuna along behind him. According to her, the ghosts all became smudges of white and the entire experience passed in a blur.

Unsui ended up accompanying Koutarou and Mizumachi on all the thrill rides. He also had to look after them when they both ended up nauseous, partly from motion-sickness, partly from eating too much cotton candy. Monta and Riku were losing horrendously at the hoop-a-loop game booth since one could not throw for bananas and one was more interested in laughing at the other's failure. Unsui had to step in and help Suzuna win the stuffed toy she wanted. He also won a slightly sinister-looking giant crocodile plushie, but no one wanted it.

When they had dinner together, Suzuna brought out a birthday cake and they sang the birthday song. They collectively gave Unsui his birthday gift—New football boots, chosen by Koutarou, so they were black and gold and streaked with bright crimson. "Aren't they smart?" he asked proudly. Unsui could only laugh along with the rest of the team.

-

Unsui is very aware of how much he had changed over the last 2 and some years. He had mellowed out a lot. He worries less, he smiles more. He may even be a bit less intelligent and a bit more foolish… It seems to be a common trait of the Enma American football team.

He had started to eat pastries; mostly creams puffs, which he keeps a regular supply of to calm down a panicked Kurita (whose destructiveness when scared or excited was frankly terrifying). He had gone from being shocked and embarrassed about seeing Mizumachi streaking past his classroom window to routinely bringing extra trousers for his teammate. He'd even learnt to sew, since the boy keeps splitting his pants.

He had also come to terms with Koutarou's simple hot-bloodedness, even learnt to appreciate it. The kicker kept dragging them into ridiculous disputes against teams he did not find "smart"…they had to fight the sumo team once and would have been totally crushed if not for Kurita.

With the entrance of Sena, Monta and Riku things got even more chaotic and exciting…For the first time, American football was relaxing, cheerful and above all, fun. It was no longer a matter of constant struggle and obsession, he was just fully enjoying his time with his teammates and he was fully enjoying the game.

_This is worth it_, he thought. Coming to Enma Daigaku was the best decision he'd ever made.

-

-

Unsui opened his dormitory door that night only to find a familiar figure lounging in his chair.

"Back so late? That's not like you at all," Agon remarked drily.

Unsui stood awkwardly at the door, holding his duffel bag, giant crocodile toy and a pair of Mikey Mouse ears. Agon's visits were rare and often unpleasant, but his twin apparently had not come to pick a fight.

"…Don't you have something to say to me?" Agon asked pointedly.

Unsui's lips twitched, quirking into a bittersweet smile. "Happy Birthday, brother."


	9. Saikyoudai

Disclaimer: ES21, characters and their illegal weapons belong to their rightful creators ie Not Mine.

A/N: My impression of Saikyoudai—Akaba, Taka and Kakei (I'm convinced he's also in this team) stand around, looking generally hot and expressionless. Banba, Ikkyu and Juumonji are stoic and long-suffering. Yamato, Agon and Hiruma…destroy everything in their path.

* * *

**  
Drabble 9**

**Saikyoudai  
-**

**-  
**

It was just a normal afternoon. Mamori, 2nd year reserve manager of the Saikyoudai American Football team, had been held back in class, so she was dashing towards the field to bring Hiruma the bunch of new statistics he had demanded from her the day before. Come to think of it, she really had no reason to rush like that, especially since it's just for _Hiruma_. But she had been so fixated with delivering the notes to him on time that she tripped on her way down the stairs.

For a terrifying moment, she thought she would fall, get injured and Hiruma, that jerk, would mock her forever.

.

But, just in the nick of time, an arm circled round her waist and pulled her sleekly back to safety.

Mamori looked up to thank her rescuer, and immediately froze in shock.

She was looking at Yamato Takeru up-close for the first time. Probably more up-close than she ever wanted to.

His face was flawless, his smile was perfect and his bangs fell artistically into his deep, dark eyes.

But that's just _normal_ Yamato.

He also seemed to be almost…sparkling at her.

That's definitely not normal.

.

Blinking a little to clear the sparkles, Mamori quickly regained her composure. She smiled back, told him thanks and tried to, politely but firmly, push the strange and shiny running-back out of her personal space. She did not succeed.

"Interesting," Yamato commented bemusedly, not letting go of her waist, "I thought this was going to be a sure-win scenario. But you're not falling for me, you're not even blushing."

"…What?" Mamori frowned at him in utter confusion.

"I thought Karin is the only girl immune to my full-on charm," he continued conversationally, "But I also thought that is because she is, in certain ways, manlier than most guys could ever be. You're quite a surprise, Manager-san."

_This is getting slightly creepy_, Mamori thought, getting increasingly uncomfortable by the moment.

"You're really unimpressed by my effort, aren't you?" Yamato asked, looking slightly disappointed. "I suppose you're already in love?"

"I—"

"BANG BANG BANG!!"

Before Mamori could answer, a burst of bullets exploded loudly between them, breaking them apart.

"Stop slacking off, fucking manager!" Hiruma stood at the bottom of the stairs, gun slung across one shoulder. He glared at her accusingly, "You're seriously fucking late."

Entirely unfazed by his menacing stance, Mamori darted down the stairs towards him without a second thought.

-

Yamato crocked an eyebrow thoughtfully as he watched them walk away together.

-

"You knew I can't win this," he reproached Agon later, when they met to settle the result of their bet.

"Yeah, but I knew I can," his dreadlocked teammate replied, taking the 50 bucks off his hands with a self-satisfied smirk.


End file.
